This week was a challenge. Finding the motivation to grab a book, pick a quote, designing and writing a caption is starting to take a toll. So close to the finish line, though, and I don’t plan n giving up!
Have you had your eye on a #MORELOVE tee?
Don’t miss your chance to purchase a shirt and help preschool girls in Mozambique! This fundraiser ends TODAY, Sunday June 10 at midnight (EST). Every shirt sold makes a difference. Be a part of a movement that changes lives!
About Kurandza. A non-profit using education + entrepreneurship to empower women + girls in Mozambique! Kurandza actually means “to love” in Changana, the local language of the community this organization impacts. When you purchase a shirt, $5 will go to towards the preschool dormitory…providing mattresses, mosquito nets, and furniture for children. Follow on facebook or instagram and twitter: @lovekurandza.
My heart has been so heavy thinking about Guatemala, Hawaii, Puerto Rico…Kate Spade, and now Anthony Bourdain. I don’t like watching the news because I cry for people I’ve never met and get attached to the stories of people I may never have known.
Can I overshare? I want to be REAL.
I’ve been given an amazing gift of family, friends, an education, good health, rights—PRIVILEGE. And yet, I battle with depression every single day of my life. There are days when I wake up so numb and sad and angry and I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY. I get angry with myself for having all these negative thoughts and feelings. I become short-tempered and yell and shut out the people I love most. I get upset at myself for projecting all my negative energy onto others…and the cycle continues. Sometimes this cycle is quiet, and sometimes it’s really LOUD. Lately, It’s like a buzz in my ear. Today, I need therapy. News of tragedy always has a way of kicking me while I’m down.
I constantly wonder why I battle with my head every day when life has been so good to me? Why do I feel so alone when I’m surrounded by amazing friends and family? Why can’t I just be HAPPY with these gifts I’ve been given? Why was I given so much and others are given so little? Do I even deserve this life? Why do I care so much?
There have been times where I thought my daughter would be better off without me. I wasn’t being selfish in wanting the pain to go away. I thought my depression would diminish her light. Ive felt like my daughter deserves a mom who is happy and loving and not sad and crying all the time. I’ve never been suicidal but I’ve wanted to die more times than I can count. I am not selfish or weak, I’m TIRED from fighting the anger and sadness all the time.
I don’t say any of this to scare or worry my friends, family or clients. I just really wanted to keep an honest dialogue about this not-so-perfect piece of ME. But most importantly, I wanted to share in hopes that someone reading this will UNDERSTAND and know they are not alone.
If you are depressed or suicidal, please reach out. To someone you love, to someone you trust, or to a professional. Depression can’t be cured, but it can be quiet. It just takes practice. Hugs to anyone who needs one today. I am #HereforYou
Reminders I’ll be telling myself today:
No rain. No flowers.
I got this.
More than half way through my challenge and I’ve finally gone through my whole book collection. Guess it means I need to add more to my shelves!
Love this challenge? Follow along on Instagram!
I wish the picture showed excitement right now inside my head and my heart.
This shirt design started out as a simple plea. I had turned on the news one evening and everything was ugly and hateful. I turned it off and jumped on my instagram…only to find posts of loss and grief and sadness. Everything felt so heavy and I just wanted to scream—
PLEASE MORE LOVE MORE LOVE MORE LOVE MORE LOVE MORE LOVE ! ! !
After the women’s march and the Viva La MUJER campaign, this saying / design / plea wouldn’t go away. I knew I had to make this shirt happen, even if it was just for myself. Turns out, when you trust in the universe and put doubts and fear aside…amazing things can happen.
I reached out to the Yellow Collective about teaming up with a non-profit & I literally expected crickets / silence / nothing. But almost instantly, Elisabetta, the founder of KURANDZA reached out and told me that Kurandza means “to love”…and her organization needed help fundraising for their preschool project. It couldn’t have been more perfect. The rest is history!
Now, each time I see this shirt…I’m reminded of the outpouring love and support—and the preschoolers in Mozambique—and I’m overwhelmed with GRATITUDE and LOVE and HOPE for the future. Thank You. From the bottom of my heart.
7 days left in the campaign! Will you help me reach my goal? 💗 bonfire.com/morelove
15 years ago today, I lost a best friend.
Kristel was in a fatal car crash, driving home from prom, less than 2 weeks away from our high school graduation.
Her loss left a huge hole in my heart. I went off to college, started dating my elementary school crush (!!) and was trying my best to grow up, be strong and “move on.” I’ve never been the girl that pretends to have it all together. If you’ve known me for some time or just met me, then you probably know my anxiety gets the best of me and I can be super shy, super awkward and I cry very easily. Kristel was my polar opposite. She was always cheerful and always smiling. Even when life wasn’t going her way or there was some boy problem (there was a always a boy problem), she seemed to brush things off so easily, crack a joke and make you laugh hysterically.
In fact, the week leading up to Prom was emotional for me (typical). We were part of the ‘Every 15 minutes’ DUI simulated experience at school. On Friday, at assembly, we watched a video recap of the week and listened to a motivational speaker talk about the dangers of drinking and driving. I balled like a baby (obviously). Kristel laughed it off. She told me that [the dui experience] “wasn’t real” and that it wouldn’t happen to us. That we needed to cheer up because we had prom the next day.
That afternoon, we sat at a mexican restaurant for hours. I wish i could remember what we talked about but i don’t. I just remember feeling grateful. I remember walking to my car after and hugging her extremely tight. I told her I didn’t want to let her go and that I didn’t want to say goodbye. Somehow I knew that moment was special.
Fast forward to prom, and it was all a whirlwind. Kristel and her boyfriend were nominated for Prom King and Queen. They didn’t win but when it was all over, I told her she would always be my Queen and I snapped a photo of us together…right before she walked away…and out of my life forever.
My phone died that night and when I woke up, I had sooooo many voicemails. When I first heard the news, I didn’t believe it. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare. This couldn’t be real. The next voicemail brought me to my knees. It was one of my best friends. He broke the news and said he was really worried. Nobody had heard from me. The rest is a blur…
Somehow, my RUGRATS and I made it through Grad night with smiles and laughter. Graduating from high school was so bittersweet. She was supposed to sit next to me at the ceremony. It took me years to not cry every time I thought of her.
Fast forward to today, I’m living out my bestie’s dream. I didn’t even know she wanted to be a graphic designer. We talked every day but it was usually only about boys, boys, boys. I actually read about her goals for the future in the newspaper.
I stopped thinking “what if” a long time, and now, I can share her story with a sense of peace. Our friendship was a gift. How is it that someone I knew for only 3 short years could make such an impact on my life?
Last year, I decided to take on the #100dayscreatingthekrissafont challenge, and it was such an amazing experience. It took me back to the “good ol’ days” and I laughed and I cried and I cherished every moment of it. Kristel was such a light in my life and I loved sharing her positivity and cheerfulness with the world again.
I’ve been trying to publish the font for months now, but every time I open up Fontmaker, I can never “perfect” it. I’ve been thinking about scrapping it and starting from scratch. My goal is to have a finished product by September, which is her birthday month. In the mean time, you can check out the making-of the Krissa Font on mintandmerit.com or purchase a baby onesie on Zazzle. 💛
If there is anything you can take from this post today, I hope you remember that life can change in an instant and we should never take anything or anyone for granted.
Also, you never know whose life you are impacting…
What will you leave behind?